Its almost 10pm on a Thursday and I am cuddled up in bed with a puppy by my side listening to music. I have all my study done for the day, did well on an exam earlier and have one in my best subject that Ill ace tomorrow morning. I laughed and played games with my best friends well into last night and I spent this evening watching soaps with my parents. From the outside I look like Im having a great week but honestly, this evening was the first time this week I even got out of my bedroom. I am suffering an issue I am far too familiar with – a depressive episode.
What is a Depressive Episode?
When I visited my first therapist years ago, I described my sadness as overwhelming waves that hit at any moment, knocking me down for days or weeks at a time. With how my last couple of months have gone it isnt surprised that I am dealing with them more often nowadays, so I am more than a little familiar with the symptoms. Healthline.com provides a comprehensive list of common symptoms of depression and depressive episodes here –
- sad mood
- feeling of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, or emptiness
- anger or irritability
- loss of interest in activities you once loved
- lack of energy
- slowed thinking or movements
- trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
- sleeping too much or too little
- appetite loss or overeating and craving certain foods
- unexplained headaches, stomachaches, or other aches and pains that don’t have a clear medical explanation
- thoughts of death or suicide
So what do you do when faced with a depressive episode? From experience I know how hard it is to do anything at all and honestly this post is partly an attempt to get my ass in gear too.
The most important and ironically the hardest thing to do during a depressive episode is take care of yourself. When you feel this bad, basic hygiene goes out the window, but it is so important. I cleaned my teeth today for the first time in days (gross I know) and though this is seen as the bare minimum when you’re feeling like youre being crushed by a huge weight, the bare minimum becomes a huge effort. If the only thing you can do is get out of bed or change your clothes or shower, thats okay. Its more than okay in fact. It shows how strong you are for pushing through and fighting to get to the other side.
This can also be a daunting task but keeping in contact with friends or family is a huge positive for your mental health. My friends have kept me sane these last few months, I honestly dont know where Id be without them. Despite being mid episode, I joined my friends for an Among Us game over discord last night and it was so worth it just for the laughs alone. It was the best I had felt in days. Keeping in contact and knowing there are people there for you, both now and when you feel better makes all the difference, it gives you something to fight for, people in your corner and the hope that once you’re feeling better, you can laugh and joke too.
Im sorry this post is quite short, and the fact there hasnt been much content on the blog lately. To be honest this wasnt even the post I planned on making tonight but I realised if Im going to get through this I need to start using this platform to make people feel less alone if I can. I am writing this post to try and help my overwhelming lonliness to be quite honest. Hearing people constantly talking about their partners is killing me and Im hoping I can get rid of that negativity if I can help at leat one person with these posts.
Ive been insanely busy with college being back now but Im committed to writing again, so expect a lot more from me. I also recently got my first tattoo! It was done by Steve Hession in AWOL in Galway city and I absolutely adore it. You all know about my heartbreak and Im still fighting to get over it, but now I have this beautiful reminder to always have hope.
Anyway rambling done, I hope you guys are having a good week. Talk to you soon!